Thus have I heard...
Father's Day
“The best way of training the young is to train yourself at the same time; not to admonish them, but to be seen never doing that of which you would admonish them.”
–Plato.
As an individual I do not view this day, being Father's Day, any differently to any other given day. Take the apostrophe, in “Father’s,” for example. If it were removed entirely, we would be left with a celebration about just “plain-old” fathers, all fathers in general. Actually, the celebration is about the father, whoever he may be, enjoying the rewards of being a good father, and that those around him also appreciate the fact. And in such a case, he thus enjoys the fruits of his endeavors. Dad is able to share this gift with the family by means of slightly burnt, I mean overcooked BBQ’s, love, laughter, blessed friendships, and cherished memories which outlast time.
Therefore, this day is primarily an opportunity for fathers, not to be judged but to judge themselves rightly, according to their personal merits and demerits. Like Christmas, it is not a time for receiving gifts but for the giving of gifts. Reminding us of the integrities that a good father holds to be most noble, and beneficial to the service he offers daily to those he loves most. Something not limited to one’s immediate family, but that which extends quite naturally to the world family pattern.
One can become a biological father, but many fathers cannot quite seem to become logical parents. Fatherhood means being able to produce a child. Parenthood means becoming sufficient in caring for, educating, loving, and preserving the child in full health. To accept all responsibility with a cheerful disposition. To provide all things necessary for each child’s perfect mental and physical security, happiness, and growth. Sometimes, as a parent, whatever the individual cost may be. Many fall short, some do not. There is no need to discuss particular shortcomings, for I know concerning myself, mine are exceeding many indeed.
And in those noble attempts by the rare few, to hold intelligent and constructive conversations with others less inclined, apparently such efforts shall forever perish with them. Thus a father’s actions must always mean more than any well-practiced rhetorician’s vanity of words ever should. Rather, relying not upon speech but upon sincerity, leaving no need whatever to discuss bad attitudes with others who may hold them. Any situation which involves emergency, some difficulty or quandary, demands that we be better than what we are. And this requires more faith and less dogma, less talk and more response, more integrity, less indifference, in and of ourselves.
I have learned all these things the hard way. And I find this curious because I was never short of a fine role model and mentor in my own father. He is truly a great man in every respect. So far as having outstanding parents, I have been blessed and most fortunate here. There are many who cannot say this is also true for themselves. I speak from my own individual point of view, because it is all I have. I do not speak for others and durst make assumptions. Therefore, I ask myself this: Why is it that a man such as myself, who has had the best possible example as a father to live up to, has failed himself perfectly at the job?
The answer for this one is quite simple. I accepted the right to produce good children but neglected the responsibility to reproduce good parenthood. Being a good father necessarily involves being a good parent, a good husband, and a good friend. It means being a good person. The one who can achieve this singularity can be good at almost anything. Here lies my broadest woe and deepest reverie. Dad ceaselessly demonstrates something which he can never bestow unto me. In other words, I must go back and learn how to be a good child, in order that I may go on to learn how to be a good father. Has not or cannot simply means does not or will not.
How to be a good human being. If I can accomplish this success within, then all who may dedicate their allegiance to a similar aspiration, inherently become my extended family. In this way, I respect every person naturally as my brother or sister. All who are wiser are parents whom I may learn from; all who are lesser are potential children whom I may diligently teach to. If I have the power to do this, then I also possess the power to respect myself as a man after all. A barbarian may be able to govern his tribe but cannot stimulate value within the group. A civilized man can guard his family but can also guide his brood to an ever more purposeful way of life.
Within himself truth now holds itself as his highest principle, integrity holds as his greatest virtue, and love holds as his infinite well-spring. The difference between a barbarian and a citizen is that the former is primarily concerned with himself while the latter is concerned primarily with the wellbeing and security of the group. The barbarian is selfish and conceited; the civilized man is selfless, courteous, and compassionate. Basically, he who is civilized is him who is honest with himself. And the first sign of an honest man is one who controls himself timelessly. At least, this is what my father has always shown me.
Fortunately, most of us are basically doing the best we know right now. And, in general, we get along okay, and raise some pretty good children along the way. Whether we know it or not, or like it, or not, we are moving steadfastly towards that grand thing we might call maturity. According to the textbooks, maturity is that condition in which the individual has achieved the full use of his potential capacities. And if most agree with this, then there might not be too many mature people left in the world by the time we are done. We all have the potential to be better than what we are. Otherwise we simply would not be here.
I have observed that an excuse cannot be given to oneself, it must be given to him by another. He may explain his conduct or misconduct to another, whichever the case may be. He may then later be excused and forgiven by the other(s) who possess a greater insight, understanding, or wisdom with which to interpret the matter. It might now be seen that a man who excuses iniquities to himself by means of his own thought, must simultaneously explain away excusing anyone else who disagrees with him. Otherwise, he simply could not forgive himself. Hence, if I wanted to be a better father, and a better friend, I should first make a good try at comprehending the needs of others.
Therefore, why not take this day, like any other day, and use it as a kindly reminder to practice being the best human beings we can be, every day. Being a good father should be a flowery bed of ease if we all do this even one out of two or three days. If we can do this then we can always build towards something better and more noble, something greater and more valuable. Not in terms of dollars but in terms of sense. That is to say, the sensibleness and sensitivity which underpin purposeful living in the first place. One may be a father, but it is no requisite for one’s holding fast to his own main masthead, or highest personal place.
I now want to take this opportunity to thank my own father. This bloke believes he is an ordinary man in terms of worldly achievements. Well, I want him to know that he is an extraordinary man in terms of personal attainments. And that this is the greatest of all possible universal accomplishments. For he that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. In my opinion, my dad is the epitome of what a man can be. He is affable, honest, gracious, understanding and forgiving, modest and humble, compassionate, and loving. He is a beautiful soul with a wonderful sense of humor. I cannot ask for any more in a father; I could not strive to be any more as a person.
May peace, security, happiness, wellbeing, and wisdom be with you all. That utopia which men have long dreamt of begins in the home, and it is our responsibility as fathers to lead by example. Educating ourselves and our children in the kind of Value that shall finally cement a superior kind of knowledge in history, for the well-being of all posterity, beginning Now.
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